A Heart That Works- Book Review
I have completed my first book of 2023. Tip; take advantage of the slower days of the year to make as much progress as possible, it will serve as a cushion for when the year gets chaotic. While researching what to read in January, I came across A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney, and I immediately knew that it would leave a mark. It was first published on November 29, 2022, yet I felt late to the party, as I often do when I land on a gem.
Let not the party in the idiom mislead you. The book is far from it. It is a deeply emotional and personal memoir about the loss of a two-year-old boy to cancer. Rob, an American comedian, actor, writer, and activist, intimately lets the reader in on a beautiful tragedy: his third son’s life and death. Throughout the book, he deploys juxtaposing emotions and descriptions that paint a picture of the tension his family experienced: love, heartbreak, rage, gratitude, anguish, joy, ugliness, beauty, loneliness, connection… A LOT.
At just one, Henry, Rob’s son, received a diagnosis that darkly colors the rest of their lives, a brain tumor, which marks the start of a harrowing journey. The tumor removal surgery left him disabled. The brutality of the treatment battered and exposed him to deadly infections, while its benefits allowed him and his family to create beautiful memories. The family maximized their time together regardless of the anguish, as while they hoped, they understood that there were no guarantees. Henry remarkably rode the cancer wave and even began to make exciting progress until a scan revealed that the tumor was growing back. His parents faced an impossible decision: whether or not to continue treatment.
While the heartbreaking reality of Henry’s life unfolds, there is a suicide in the family, and not long after his death, another cancer diagnosis. Just how much can one family take? Through the book, the people who showed up and showed out in their lives warmed my heart, reinvigorating my hope for humanity. Descriptions of health care in the UK made me shudder at the thought of someone going through a similar situation in a broken healthcare system. A nightmare. No. Hell.
Rob fleshes out his experience of loss and grief with bare honesty. Humor is naturally part of the narrative, which does not detract from his pain but paints an arresting picture of just how complex the experience of human emotions is- particularly grief. One would hope that reading about Rob’s experience would soften the blow for when they experience the worst day of their life through the loss of a loved one (if you have not already), but no. As Chimamanda put it in her book, Notes on Grief, “We don’t know how we will grieve until we grieve.”
The book sent chills down my spine yet warmed my heart. It is bound to make one smile and cry, at times simultaneously. Reading it was worthwhile and left me with immense gratitude not just for his courage and whatever other virtue it took him to share his story with the world but also for the hearts of loved ones that still work.
